| sometimes |
[29 Aug 2005|08:18pm] |
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mood |
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 crushed |
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sometimes your life is really good and you don't need livejournal to express how frail you are. sometimes friends are just friends even if they're guy friends. sometimes the people who are supposed to call you do. sometimes you make snes. sometimes you're strong and you don't cry anymore. sometimes you don't feel alone. sometimes you're more than just talk and no action.
Basically my world is falling apart again.
G'lina put it nicely "so this is what it feel like to not get what you want"
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| bow chika bow wow |
[31 Jul 2005|09:22pm] |
I miss Arizona a little bit. I miss school kinda but I don't miss the ass hole people that deserve avoiding.
I love it out here and all but I feel like I'm losing my roots. All the sun and sand is making me confused and unsure which is not normal for me. But I think this whole thing has really really changed me a lot. I know what I want to do again...which is always good. but getting there is going to be a bitch.
two more weeks and home.
I can't believe a lot of you guys are in school aleady. I'm desperately looking for a place to live but no luck so far. ugh! I'll update again later.
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| um |
[09 Jul 2005|04:14pm] |
Second weekend of the show Richard III
not that anyone cares that much but I am having fun.
question of the day is...Long distance relationship or not??
hmmmmm
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| Defying Gravity |
[29 Jun 2005|11:13am] |
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Wicked was the most beautiful perfect thing I've ever seen.
Perfect.
I don't throw that word around lightly.
I feel kinda torn because Im a lot like Elpheba but I have Glinda's energy. I guess I'm Glindeba.
When they started singing Defying Gravity I knew I was going to cry because thats my inspiration song for my often shitty life. But what I didn't know was that I'd have a freakin emotional break down when she started flying. No seriously, I was like ready to bawl my fucking head off, quite audibly I might add. I don't know what came over me but it was so powerful and beautiful and I was so connected. And no, I don't care how dumb this sounds, theatre does have that power and I really hope everyone can find it at some moment in their lives. But anyways, I had to get myself under control or people would've been distracted by me so I forced myself to shed silent tears and not sob audibly...well that just got me one of those killer headaches where you really needed to cry and didn't let yourself. So I felt really sick afterwards but it didn't matter because I had just seen the most perfect play in my history.
It was worth the money, thats for sure. See it when it comes. I got a poster because the cast was outside but they looked really tired and overwhlemed so I didn't stick around to get it signed. But at anyrate, it was simply perfect.
Oh and Danielle P I got you a playbill...in case you want one...yeah. :)
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| A little bit of that, A little bit of this |
[27 Jun 2005|06:18pm] |
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mood |
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 crazy |
] |
put it together and what do you get?
shit.
ha it all rhymes.
Anyways, in a big blur of words its like this...
I like it here, directors are likely to underestimate, this is a numb warm state of confusion and I fit right in, dont fuck people you like it just doesnt work, I feel so rushed and unchill, I have ADHD of the psyche, I like shells, certain people are pissing me off, I want a nap.
And tomorrow is Wicked. Oh yes oh yes am I very excited about that.
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| Whhhhhaaaaa?? |
[22 Jun 2005|11:34am] |
Someone in this library smells of white Ivory soap.
It's so strong I feel like I'm snorting a bar of it every time I enhale. wtf.
I'm having fun screwing around and drinking too much for my own good. I miss friends though.
what are you doing??
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| Week two |
[15 Jun 2005|05:10pm] |
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mood |
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insanely tired |
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I found out my part for Merry Wives of Windsor
since its set in the 1960s and many scenes are in a beauty parlor, I'm a go-go lookin hair dresser set mover person named Fiffi (sp?). Basically just there to be oggled but my costumes are going to kick ass!
This weekend was pretty awesome and I was invited to a screening or a new Jim Carrey movie but I can't go
:(
Today I am exhausted and kinda hungry. I should call people and say Hi and stuff but I don't have any time anymore. I have a new challenge which I promised myself I would avoid. So much for staying away from guys this summer.
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[12 Jun 2005|01:53pm] |
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mood |
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numb |
] |
...and suddenly, I feel very alone.
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| my days |
[10 Jun 2005|12:15pm] |
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mood |
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 annoyed |
] |
Week one is almost over and I still love this place. What I am noticing however, is that this whole experience, and the people I'm meeting, simply makes me hate EAC to an even greater extent than before. Not good.
I do kinda miss talking to my friends though. I won't deny the fact that I feel let down by all the people who told me we would still talk. I shouldn't be surprised; it wouldn't be the first time. I know its only the first week but if things are going this way now, what's going to make it any different by August?
I have my second rehearsal for Richard III tonight and then a cast party after that. The flyer says BYOB which just further reminds me that being 18 is a curse.
It stills feels amazing to be acting with real actors, the kinds that do real shows and real movies. I guess that's why I don't want to go back to my school anymore.
Oh yeah, I got a ticket to Wicked. (!!!!!!!)
June 28th is going to be the best day of my summer.
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| you've reached |
[07 Jun 2005|11:06am] |
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mood |
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 energetic |
] |
805-241-2214
call for electronic love
(and leave a message so I can call you back)
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| Its all good |
[06 Jun 2005|05:37pm] |
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mood |
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bouncy |
] |
I'm here.
I love it!
Saturday morning I left with my parents and basically tuned them out the whole way to California which is a good thing because it was just a repeat of the last time we all went to Thousand Oaks sans the David Sedaris incident. Of course, it was a beautiful afternoon when we got there. We checked into the hotel which again reaked of smoke despite the fact that once again, we asked for a nonsmoking bedroom. Then we all went out to eat Italian and *gasp* my parents ordered wine. For all three of us. I cannot believe that they actually let me drink (even if its just wine!)and on top of that, they asked if I liked wine before ordering, just to make sure. So after we had some drinks and were feeling relaxed and happy, I confessed that the first time I got drunk was when they sent me to my audition in Wyoming and then the cops caught me. I guess I really wanted to get that off my chest and since we were on the topic, I did. And to my surprise, they thought it was all helarious. Moral: slip 'em a few drinks before you tell them how irresponsible you really are.
Sunday we went to the "beach" which was really just some freezing ocean water amidst a bunch of rocks. It was very cloudy and depressing that day and made me reeeeally miss AZ. At 12:30 my parents dropped me off at Starbucks to meet Jen, who I would be staying with that night. The thing is, Jen was working till 5:30. So either I drink coffee and read for 5 hours, or I had to find something to do. I decided to go back to the petstore I had visited during lunch that day which ended up being a great move on my part. I met the guys working there, set up a date to see one of them again (yeah, I'm a flirt) and played with kittens to my heart's content. They sent me on coffee runs and let me answer the customers questions which I didn't mind at all. When I went to Jen's house, I we ate and then went to a party to meet up with other theatre kids. All around, it was a great day.
Today I moved into my apartment dorm which is about a billion times nicer than any college dorm I've ever seen! we've got out own kitchen, there's three other girls living in there with me (two to a room) and we have a spare "guest room" also. I love it. My room mate is great; her colors match mine in kitchenware and the dorm, shes easy going, fun, and a vegetarian. perfect match. I'm so glad the thing I was worried about the most (room mates) isn't cause to worry at all. I hope it stays that way.
So far I've been cast as a messenger and citizen 1 in Richard III. Not what I was hoping for but whatev, its a part. No clue who I am playing in Merry Wives of Windsor yet, but I should know soon. And evidently, everyone does not get into the program contrary to what I was thinking which makes me feel better about being here this summer. I guess it's really really hard for girls to make it into the company, as I was told by a few people today. This is pretty evident by the fact that its a male dominated and I am the only female apprentice. Lets just hope that works for me and not against me.
There's a whole lot more I really want to say but I don't think many people will keep reading beyond this... to sum up the week, I'm working with costumes 4 hours a day and then doing rehearsals. The facilities here are awesome, (yay for gyms and libraries!), Lots of shopping to be done, and I'm getting a phone for my room tomorrow. lemme know if you want the number.
that's all!
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[04 Jun 2005|08:51am] |
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mood |
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 happy |
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I am Leaving now.
Good bye!
ps- many thanks to my "peeps" who made my mini vaca awesome. I will miss you all.<3
pps- I shall return.
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| Even snakes get a new skin |
[02 Jun 2005|11:44am] |
I don't like how I turned out right now. There are a lot of little things I wish I could do over and take back and none of them are the obvious thinge either. Sometimes character traits are meant for characters..like the kind onstage or in day time TV, not living, breathing, feeling people. At least not the people that want any friends. I guess there really is a way that you're supposed to be in our fake little "real world" and I think I mighta messed that up pretty good. So how does one go about reversing it all if they're the only one who cares?
You only get so many shots at life and friendship before you're out. Completely.
I don't want that to happen to me if, in essence, it was all a front to avoid being "out" in the first place.
So I'm giving it another shot. You aren't what other people say you are, you're who you've proven yourself to be, completely by your own doing.
Forget about leopards and spots: I'm talking reinventing the sum of ones persona here.
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| Death to the detail hungry |
[31 May 2005|11:45am] |
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mood |
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 nervous |
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It feels like I've been gone for a really long time. Finally feeling better aside from my inability to breathe at night.
I feel anxious. I have four days left and not only do I have a ton of stuff I feel I need to do, I still know next to nothing about what's going on. This is how people in love with preparation die. They stress about what they don't know till their brains explode. But don't worry, you'll be invited to the funeral.
In other news, I really need to find a good swim suit.
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| like really |
[27 May 2005|07:57pm] |
Ok, I'm in Sierra Vista and youre not. HA! I'm all elitest about that. And I'm going to get married to a man I've never met just so I can be in the Holder family. How great is that? yes...wonderful! And um...the weather here is waaaaay better but I'm kinda getting sick :( but I'm having a great last weekend of AZ fun :) that's all...
be home eventually.
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[26 May 2005|10:40am] |
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mood |
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 tired |
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I let that bird go.
I'm going to Sierra Vista for the rest of the week and I finally get to see my kitty. yay! Last night I went to the Arizona Beach Club(??) and had a sweet time shakin what my momma didn't give me....but maybe my dad did. I was pretty much one of the tallest girls in there which got in the way of dancing up on guys. It must have been short people night.
Oh and a complete stranger grabbed me and kissed me. He was definitely inebriated.
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| tweat |
[25 May 2005|09:32am] |
Last night I found a sparrow on a suicide mission. I think it's mad at me for foiling it's plan. So now I have in my posession, a female young sparrow maybe two months old.
Its really good...really good at squawking with every breath, not eating food, not staying in one place, not remembering that I'm not going to eat it, and really good at running into the glass door. over and over and over.
Maybe it was trying to kill itself for the soul reason that it understands its own retardation. Anyways, I'm taking it to the park because I think it may want to be outside. I dont know if I'll let it go today but if other birds "adopt" it I may. We'll see.
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| and an illustrated book about birds |
[21 May 2005|03:03pm] |
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mood |
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content |
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I know when I'm leaving. Would you also like to know? I can tell you.... but eh...it'll cost you something. yeah that's right...it's gonna cost you that are you sure you're ready to give that up??
ok then. I'm leaving on June 4th.
which means, I will get to go to graduation at CHS. whoo!
Amongst other things.
I think its odd to spend the whole summer away from home and fun..I guess I was in a more focused and work oriented mood when I made this decision.
There was a huge man at the gym this morning and when he lifted weights, he made noises.
"huuuuuh-*sharp inhale* ahhhhhhh"
"huuuuuh- *gasp* grrr....ahhhhh"
"ruuuh-*inhale* huh.....ahhhhhh"
if you hadn't been there to watch, you may have thought he was pooping the biggest turds known to man.
It made me very glad that im inaudible during my workouts.
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| I could do that |
[18 May 2005|04:10pm] |
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mood |
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cheerful |
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I love my life right now. I love my messy bedroom and Anne Coulter's book about how liberals are liars (but I am one) and how when you get Macbeth on audio, you won't understand a damn thing that is happening. I just love it! I also love my stupid brothers and the way your skin smells after you put cheap sunscreen on and lay out for several hours. And salad.
This vacation makes me happy.
still don't know when I'm leaving and I don't care. I can't go to Yuma this week and that makes me sad (no money)But I'm really jonesing for a live theatre performance I'll keep ya'll posted in case some one feels like joining me.
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| Make Like Dorthy |
[13 May 2005|01:45pm] |
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mood |
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calm |
] |
Today has been uneventful...
I woke up
I took a shower
I called the United States Postal Service
they put me on hold...did you know they play elevator music too? well, they do.
Looks like my weekend is nice randomness...omg my brother turned 14 this week and he is starting to look like a teenage guy..like whoa! And my other brother turned into a skater over the past few months. And my cat is huge but I think its because I spend so much time with Majik (who is tiny). Oh and my sister is still psychotic. Kinda. I'm going to be in Chandler for three weeks and three weeks only. Got any spiffy things happening? Lemme know.
It's great to be back
I am so glad this first year of hell is over and I only have one more. Thats still gonna be thousands in therapy in the long run. EAC= job security for cognitive therapists.
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